alpa cino

I totally forgot about my personal blog. Oh shit. Okay so let’s see. I met this cute girl on...

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 23:01:06 -0500

I totally forgot about my personal blog. Oh shit. Okay so let’s see. I met this cute girl on Reddit. I just Skyped with her.

Here’s an excerpt from our convo after we Skyped:

[10:51:19 PM] Trickster Josh: i didn’t hear you at the end there

[10:51:27 PM] Alee: i just said cheer up

[10:51:29 PM] Alee: D;

[10:51:34 PM] Trickster Josh: D:

[10:51:35 PM] Trickster Josh: sorry

[10:51:49 PM] Trickster Josh: I ended up being a lot more shy and self-conscious than I thought I was going to be.

[10:52:00 PM] Trickster Josh: I’m usually more cheerful and energetic and idk

[10:52:04 PM] Alee: it’s okay!

[10:52:07 PM] Trickster Josh: I guess I was scared it was gonna scare you off

[10:52:15 PM] Alee: nope

[10:52:17 PM] Alee: you’re stuck with me

[10:52:19 PM] Alee: unfortunately.

[10:52:22 PM] Alee: for you

[10:52:24 PM | Edited 10:52:27 PM] Trickster Josh: i’m stuck with you? really?

[10:52:27 PM] Alee: yes

[10:52:32 PM] Trickster Josh: is that a threat or a promise?

[10:52:38 PM] Alee: threat

[10:52:42 PM] Alee: promise

[10:52:43 PM] Alee: both

She’s kind of adorable.

I’m going to bed. Bye Tumblr! I’ll be updating this more often.

I’m super worried about the storm yet instead of preparing, I’m marathoning Game Grumps...

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 10:54:37 -0400

I’m super worried about the storm yet instead of preparing, I’m marathoning Game Grumps videos.

u should go to bed tho :) things will be ok in the end -kyle

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 06:37:24 -0400

Thank you, Kyle. I slept really great. :) But ugh having to wake up at like 6:30 sucks. I work at 8 and have like a 40 minute walk so I have to wake up suuuuuper early to walk -_-

im happy for u then i just saw what happened. -kyle

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 22:59:49 -0400

Thanks, Kyle! :D Yeah I’m pretty excited too. I haven’t been this legitimately happy and excited to be on Skype and junk with someone for a long time and it’s just really nice?? Ahh I’m freaking out I’ve been thinking about it all night and I need to SLEEp but I’m not yet but I have work tomorrow aaaah ;A;

i really do hope things get better for u

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 22:00:29 -0400

Thanks anon. :) They’ve been really up and down lately. But someone really made my night so I’m feeling pretty good right now :D Thank you for the concern, it really means a lot. <3

Okay so I know I tend to fall way too quickly for people but just let me be happy about it and vent...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 21:50:32 -0400

Okay so I know I tend to fall way too quickly for people but just let me be happy about it and vent because fuck you.

So earlier when Maricel poofed on me and I was feeling all down, I got this really sweet anon. And so after that message happened, she messaged me and we started talking and I got her on Skype. Turns out she is SO TOTALLY ADORABLE. But she lives in the UK. :( Which is cool and all but damn that time difference hurts haha. So we were talking and being all cute and it turns out she really likes me a lot and wow she is such a sweetheart and I was feeling so giddy and warm the entire time we were talking. And we’re gonna Skype all night tomorrow :D Idk I’m just really excited to have someone like that around even if it might not turn into anything major and even if she ends up not feeling that way for me for long. It’s just really nice y’know? I’m a flirty guy by nature and just having someone return that, and have it be someone that I’m attracted to physically, emotionally, and mentally?? that’s really great idk wow

My mood took a total 180. Life is so weird and unexpected. I won’t get my hopes up with this (‘specially with the distance) but hey a guy can dream right?

Maricel and I got into an argument. Why? Because I was worried about her since she’d been...

Tue, 23 Oct 2012 18:49:25 -0400

Maricel and I got into an argument. Why? Because I was worried about her since she’d been acting strangely. She was a lot more sarcastic and rude and just, it wasn’t like her. And I guess she was fed up with me worrying and caring about her?? so yay this is like the 5th friend I’ve lost in the past few weeks. Another one was AJ who deleted me on Skype because he has his own problems to deal with. Okay??? so why just delete me? What even did I do? And Ivette because well she had her own problems and I guess she thought I was a terrible friend? And my friend Nikki because we got into an argument about my depression?? of all things. And Ryan because of issues with his girlfriend being a total bitch to me and because I never responded to his messages because I was away from my phone.

I just can’t deal with this anymore.

Just slept like 10 hours. I think I was overexhausted???

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 12:23:55 -0400

Just slept like 10 hours. I think I was overexhausted???

It pisses me off to NO extent when people take me for granted. Seriously! If you want to be my...

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 02:27:13 -0400

It pisses me off to NO extent when people take me for granted. Seriously! If you want to be my friend then be my friend. Don’t expect me to be at your beck and call 24/7 and support you through your clinical emotional problems! You should go seek HELP from a PROFESSIONAL not repeat yourself a thousand times to someone you met online, then ignore their advice and help. You drag EVERYONE down around you. And then when I try to help you EVEN when we’re breaking off the friendship and arguing, you have the nerve to say “good riddance?”

I haven’t been this pissed in a while tbh and I do not feel sorry for you whatsoever.

brb ripping out all of my hair

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 02:06:20 -0400

brb ripping out all of my hair

It’s really frustrating when like. You love someone a whole lot, and it’s painfully...

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 09:18:46 -0400

It’s really frustrating when like. You love someone a whole lot, and it’s painfully obvious they return the feelings, yet they like make it their life goal to deny it and refuse to accept their feelings for you.

Wow. I literally just realized. Pass-time. Something you enjoy doing to: PASS. TIME.

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:40:53 -0400

Wow. I literally just realized. Pass-time. Something you enjoy doing to: PASS. TIME.

It’s so weird to think that trees grow themselves. Like. They reproduce. They’re...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:24:56 -0400

It’s so weird to think that trees grow themselves. Like. They reproduce. They’re self-sustaining. They are living creatures with cells and they breathe and eat sunlight and drink water.

Does nobody know how to knock on bathroom doors omfg. Every time I’m in the bathroom, someone...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:38:14 -0400

Does nobody know how to knock on bathroom doors omfg. Every time I’m in the bathroom, someone turns the knob. TRY KNOCKING NEXT TIME.

It should be a criminal offense how much David and I abuse the “:P” emote on Skype.

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 10:03:54 -0400

It should be a criminal offense how much David and I abuse the “:P” emote on Skype.

Last night, Maricel and I started talking again. I got a contact request from her. She said she had...

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 09:34:48 -0400

Last night, Maricel and I started talking again. I got a contact request from her. She said she had been thinking about me the previous day. So naturally my guard was up. I told her how miserable she made me, and what she did to me. I was ready to tell her to just leave and never talk to me again. In fact, I did. But honestly, I also opened up to her. About how I’ve been feeling lately. Feelings I haven’t shared with anyone at all, not even my closest friends. It was then I realized what I really wanted out of life.

I want to be with this girl, more than anything. It’s like. When you really find the person you want to spend your life with, it just clicks in your head, like a switch. Crushes and relationships that aren’t based on true love leave you feeling indecisive, second-guessing yourself. With this crush on Lindsay I was feeling terrible, afraid I was saying the wrong thing. But you know what? It wasn’t making me happy. The moment Maricel and I started talking again, it’s like all my fears and worries just poured out of me. Not a shred of paranoia existed in me anymore.

We began talking about any random thing that came to mind. We caught up with One Piece from where we left off. We joked around. We talked about the future. She promised to play Minecraft with me once I got my computer, and we watched tutorial videos together so she knows how to play. Not once did she say she loved me, but she admitted to being very emotionally attached. She agreed we’re inseparable. She admitted she wants to stay by my side. Even if she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me, hearing that made me the happiest I’ve been in months.

I’ve been miserable deep down, thinking about her every night, putting up a mask of happiness for everyone around me. Nobody knew how much I was suffering. And while she is the cause, she is also my cure. Should she leave again, I’ll be upset again, yeah. But it just means it wasn’t meant to be, y’know? But for now, I have my happiness, and that’s all that matters right now.

You need a hobby dude

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 23:06:18 -0400

I have hobbies. Why do you say that? o.o

Maricel and I are talking again and honestly, I’ve never been happier.

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 22:11:22 -0400

Maricel and I are talking again and honestly, I’ve never been happier.

Self creepin 2k12

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 21:38:37 -0400

Self creepin 2k12

Is it weird that I enjoy running my fingers through my own hair? >A> idk my hair just feels...

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 21:38:20 -0400

Is it weird that I enjoy running my fingers through my own hair? >A> idk my hair just feels really soft and nice omg I sound like such a creep